28 July 2011

How to Bathe Your Cat

My cat, Winnie, has done nothing but lick and lick and lick since we've moved here. The internet says it's stress or allergies. Not wanting to get kitty stress drugs, I've decided to bathe her. I've bathed my cat possibly five times in her 6 year old life. Four out of those five times were when she was a kitten, and we were trying to get rid of fleas. Anywho, trying to allevate the sound of Winnie licking herself, I went down to the local pet store and picked up some shampoo with dry skin/allergies stuffs in it. Also, sulfate free! Moving along.

1. Locate cat and reasure her she's the prettiest most lovely-ist cat there is.

"Well, hello."

2. While your cat is still basking in your compliments and pets, run a shallow bath of lukewarm water, upstairs, so she won't know what's coming.

3. Search for your full bodied wet suit.

4. Cry when you realize that you left it at your parent's house.

5. Don an old t-shirt that you don't care about instead.

6. Gather unsuspeciting cat and pet her lovingly all the way upstairs into the bathroom.

7. Put cat on floor and close door quickly.

8. As you remove her collar, cat will let out a questioning meow. DON'T FALL FOR IT.

9. Quickly and gracefully, place cat into tub and slam shower doors.

10. Remember that you no longer have shower doors, so keep pushing cat back in tub.

11. Dump water all over cat, trying to keep her in, with her futile escape plans.

12. Chuckle as you massage cat shampoo all over the cat, because she just looks ridicilious.

13. Quickly rinse off cat, because she's becoming more slippery at each passing moment.

14. Take cat out of tub and throw a towel on her to help dry her off.

15. Leave cat alone in bathroom to sulk and lick herself dry.

"I just lost 10lbs thanks to a bath!"
16. Plan to reward cat with treats later, because she was a good kitty and didn't whine, and you didn't loose any body parts.


  1. She didn't scratch or bite you? That's amazing!

  2. XD

    Poor wet Winnie! I think you maybe had more success bathing your cat than I did. Well done!

  3. I laughed so hard I snorted out cheese. I was eating cheese though just to be clear

  4. Please come over to my house and bathe the nutcase I like to call Mr. Fluffypants. Many thanks in advance. Bring bandaids.

  5. ROFL! This is priceless. Sorry it didn't go better!

  6. Haha, that was hilarious! I shudder to think of what would happen if I tried to bathe one of our cats...